Thursday, January 04, 2007

2007 has already started and finally I can find some time to start blogging again. I guess I will leave out "try to blog more" for my 2007 resolutions, seeing that for the past 2 years I've made the resolution, but it remains one of those eluded mysteries. Apologies to all who have been trying to keep tabs on my doings through my blog, cos I haven had the time to update it as much as I would love to.

Well, I've shifted home to stay with my family and I was so busy straight after Christmas and thanksgiving cell group, packing everything I can and sending it back home. It's amazing how much stuff you can keep after 4 years of staying on your own. And now I know why storerooms are always so cluttered and untidy. And I have attempted the phenomenal feat of trying to re-squeeze everything into 1/2 a bedroom. Good grief. I'm currently sleeping on a single bed, accompanied by 4 pillows, 1 bolster (my dearest chou chou) and my blankie! It's a miracle that I don't get smothered by pillows whilst I sleep at night.

I am also in the midst of preparing to apply for my course at SIM. Sigh ... now I have to go certificate hunting again. Trying to find pieces of paper that's got my lifetime's academic achievements written all over it. I'm really excited to go back to studying and working hard to get good grades. Hee. No doubt, I'll probably be tearing my hair out over assignments just 2 weeks into school ... but oh well ... I'll make it through!

This year's going to be a year filled with new things and new beginnings!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Have you ever been in love?

I have. And I am in love. With the people in my life, placed there for a reason.

And if you are one who have love in your life, then you find it easier to accept, forgive, forget, encourage, exhort, admonish those you love in your life. People always say that I'm too fierce and too strict with my members, but I think someone who knows me will truly know what lies in my heart. One saying is true for me, my "bark is worse than my bite". Haha.

Then it's for love for one little girl in my life that I, Sharmaine Ang, once again ... return to the secret underworld to BIA ZUI! (Or gangfight in Hokkien). Serious. Today I went to bia zui, cos some misunderstanding occurred amongst some youth, one of whom I hold close to my heart ... and they arranged a meeting at a void deck at a certain time to "talk things out". (At the point in time, I slap my forehead and heave a big sigh, think to myself "Siao Gin-Na")

For fear that my little girl will get intimidated, or worse, get hurt ... I brought down 2 men (Justice Bao had Wang Chao and Ma Han, but I had Tingfeng and Mifeng!) You would love to know, that Tingfeng and Mifeng were once ah-bengs ... bad boys turned good ... and they've decided not to cross over the orh-orh yi peng (black black side/the dark side) and joined forces with the great JC in our lifelong battle to win more people to our side. It was soooo exciting, all 3 of us ... going to bia zui. After walking for a very very long time in the heaviest downpour, sloshing through endless swimming pools of muddy rainwater, got blasted by waves of rain on all sides, crossed many blocks ... we finally made it to the "meeting place".

I wish I had taken a photo of us, 3 drowned rats trying to be stylo mylo and try to zhng a look to bia zui. Absolutely hilarious.

Then my little girl called the opposition ... only to realise ... that they called off the bia zui cos of the rain. (Imagine the 3 of us, looking absolutely poor things in the pourning rain, hair all over our faces and lightning flashed in the background as the truth hit us.) "NO MORE BIA ZUI?" "Eh... why call off never say ..."

In the end, we just went to eat spaghetti and fellowship. Not bad right, bia zui finished in true CHC style ... food, friends and fellowship!

In closing, we actually din get to bia zui. Cos God sent the rain to rescue us!

[At this junction of blogging the event, I burst into the giggles and had to take a 4.2 min recess.]

Friday, December 01, 2006

Good morning world! *stretch* It's like 6.19 a.m. right now, and I'm up already ... Dunno, I just woke up at 5.30 and could not get back to sleep again.

Of late, I am kept busy with many things.

Apart from growing a year older ... and having a super memorable birthday at a Changi Chalet facing the sea. The view was breathtaking and it was such a great time, fellowshipping with friends, both old and new. Over yummilicious honey glazed chicken wings (which was absolutely finger licking good!) it was super fun catching up with the latest scoop with friends. My CGs surprised me with a really smashing surprise where they re-wrote a song and did up a video ... and then led me to the back garden to a dazzling display of sparklers formed in the shape of a heart. Plus, a nice board all decorated with well wishes and on top of that, gave me a really generous love offering ... thank you for all the love guys, I love you too.

Christmas is up ahead. With great breakthroughs, then the price increases too. I have a lot of people to take care of. Sigh. It's ok ... I can do it!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Alright, before anyone screams for CSI, it's just me.

O come on, you were probably there when I look like how I looked before. Yeps.. I'm turning 24 next week. Good grief, I've been living a good 24 years now. And the last 8 years with Jesus has been amazing. So many things and people to thank God for, where to begin?

I think every year, my birthday is something I look forward to, cos it's my day and I get to be princess for just 24 hrs. I've got so much to look forward to in the days ahead, new challenges to be met and new things to come. And I don't deny that birthdays are important to me, simply cos it's just an extra dose of loves when people send u an sms to say "Happy Birthday!" or call you to scream their best wishes.

Anyway, I've got this super mondo flu coming on now. Sneezing fits! Nose running everywhere. Gotta go get some shut-eye. Yeh yeh, I'm procrastinatin', but I'll blog tmr. See ya lata alligata.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Right, it's been ages since I blogged. And I hv had a friend pushing me to "Please Shar, update your blog leh!" Seriously, I take it as a major compliment, cos to me ... it's like, "Wow, you are actually keepin tabs on me life?" I love you June! You always make me feel so loved.

Recently, I've been so swamped with problems tt I din feel like blogging, just tired emotionally and I needed to take a break, get my life back into perspective abit and move on. My daddy's home, he has to quit his job and really take life easier for a while ... this means an extra burden for the family, cos he's earning some to keep my sister in poly and with the fees and all, I can only pray tt God will quickly make a way for the family to pay for everything tt we need in the house. Contemplate did I on moving back hm to cut down on costs and just be with family. But thinking abt the distance I hv to travel to places I always go ... I think staying out is better.

I'm trying to get tuition assignments, like never before. And I just spent the last 2 hours uploading photos of stuff to sell on Yahoo Auctions. I'm spending the whole of next week, just clearing stuff, take photos and posting them online to sell. This is one avenue I can think of to generate more income for the Building Fund. I always had this dream of continuing my T-shirt designing business to earn more money, but I guess I am greatly handicapped without a capable designer to put my ideas down on indesign and then subsequently into print. God! Gimme wisdom pleassse!

And I've begun to plan more for CGs, gotta plan for better and tighter follow up and also for GROWTH! My groups need to explode by the end of this year and I am definitely going to make this happen man! I want to lead 4 CGs by next year ... That is so exciting! Plus with my study plans kicking in next year ... even more exciting days lie ahead. I've gotta branch out and I find myself wanting to reach for something higher again. It's been 4 months, so fast has time past since I've left. But I feel that familiar sense of desire to yearn for new things and better things. And wooo!!! My birthday's coming! Hee hee, in just 15 days ... I love birthdays, and it's always so important for me. Cos it's really a day tt's truly, well ... mine. And I get to be princess for a day!

Nov 24 ... Faster come!!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Home sweet home. I am finally home.

I spent the past 3 days back at my mum's house cos my sisters had no one to care for them. But I am so happy to be home. I am so tired, mentally, emotionally and physically. After everything that has happened, my mum is finally home. My dad is getting better too, he has moved out into the general ward today and he's so much happier. These days have been the days where I have grown closer to my dad, for 3 days in a row, I would faithfully be there on the dot to visit him during official visiting hours, and we'll talk about things ... life, studies ... everything. And I kept telling him that I love him over and again, cos it has been a long time since I have said that. One of the arteries leading to his heart is blocked and that was what caused the heart attack. Doctors are strongly recommending surgery soon and my parents are discussing what can be done. I think they are weighing each option carefully, cos of finances.

I came home to a warm welcome, comfy bed and surrounded by the love of my members. As I sat reading their notes, I feel as if the Holy Spirit just highlighting all the positive words and words of true sincerity. And a warmth just comes over me, wave after wave ... reminding me that there are more people waiting for me, supporting me and loving me. It's true, I don't deny the fact that the people you love the most are sometimes those who also hurt you the most. I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You," and it just seems to sing the life of someone I know now, a good friend, who my heart aches for, cos of the choices that have been made. I can only tell myself that I need to have a bigger heart. It's always the hardest thing for me to do, to let someone go on and make a mistake and I can't do nothing about it even though I know full well what this person is heading for. I understand the rationale of letting someone go, after all these years of ministry, but it still remains the hardest thing to do. It's ok, I can do this, God will not let this happen for nothing.

Thank you for your love and your encouragement .... Indeed, I never lived ... before Your (and all of you) love.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

It's been almost a week since I blogged. And in just one week, so many things have happened. My daddy's in the ICU, he nearly collapsed of a heart attack on Friday. I was just about to go to CG when I received the urgent call from my sister. My mum's stuck in Vietnam on a business trip and had left earlier that morning. Sigh. My current state of mind can be described as tired and somewhat worried.

My dad's still in the ICU, with nurses monitoring him around the clock for any abnormal cardio activity. One always reads of feeling the pain and sorrow of seeing one's family member hooked up on ventilators and machines plus tubes in and out of his body. I could only imagine how would one feel, until that day when my own father lie in the hospital, with me looking on helplessly. He was weak and could not really speak, only enough to urge me to take care of my sisters and told all 3 of us to take care of each other. I held it all in until I reached home yesterday and I just started crying. Tears came, hot and fast and there was this ache in my heart for my daddy. But God is good, even as I prayed, I was asking God to give me courage to go through this and be the strength of my life even as I stand in the gap for my family.

Well, this is a low point in my life. But yet, life only throws at you even more things. Even in the midst of smses, someone close actually told me tt the decision of being together with "someone else" is in the balance. At that moment, I felt, "God, what else can go wrong? Why God?" Plus, "someone else" just broke off a previous relationship. And this person is not a Christian. What's the use of telling me that this person is "open to Christianity"? I don't want to say anything more. I really don't need this right now. I am so tired, and the person I thought I could count on really let me down, big-time. In time to come, I know whatever I've just said is just "gibberish" but I really feel so sad. I can only go to God with whatever that is in my heart.

Psalms 61:1-4 "Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah."

These verses came to mind as I prayed, and it is really my rhema for the time now. I must manage my expectations cos life continues, if someone refuses to lay down a lifetime for God, then I can only expect so much from someone. It's ok to disappoint me, but I hope that no one will ever disappoint God. Certainly, it's true, God always tests us again in the areas we fell through the last time ... it's just a re-test, but sometimes we are just so blind to see it. I see it, do you?